Wedding Planning: Name Change!?

Yesterday I eagerly went to the post office to pick up this personalized wedding dress hanger that I ordered from the Etsy shop MyAmberColouredWorld. I love getting stuff in the mail. It's so fun to get something nice in the mail not just advertising and bills! I have always loved Etsy and over the years have ordered a few things from it. It's really great for those special wedding details, which I'm all about.

So about the hanger ... I have not yet decided on a name change. I like these hangers and have seen them on many blogs, namely Style Me Pretty. I think it's a sweet personal touch to the getting ready photos so I went ahead and ordered it. Whether or not I change my name, it'll be fun to be Mrs. _____ for a day! The fiance thinks the hanger is super cute but does not care whether or not I take this name. I am not sure what I want to do. I initially was not going to change my name since my name has some cultural significance to me and it's simply MY name. I'm not sure if that matters so much anymore since my first name, well middle name (Bola) is also VERY Nigerian. My first name is actually Marilyn which some of my friends still don't know. I also think that it would be nice to take his name namely because it would be nice to have the same surname as my children one day. I also REALLY love his last name! On the other hand, it's a huge pain to change your name, getting all your legal documents changed but I'm sure if it ever means that much to me I'll go ahead and do it. A compromise that I am considering is hyphenating my name but then it would be super long!! Then there's the other question about whether to change my name professionally. Many of my colleagues that have recently married have changed their surnames but not professionally. I already get tired of writing out my name and then my credentials when making referrals and signing legal documents at work (like consent forms). I can't imagine making it any longer!!

What are your thoughts? Are you or would you ever change your last name?

~B 

One Year Blogiversary!!

Wow time flies! About one year ago I finally decided to start this blog. I had wanted to start a blog for a while and was inspired by my cousins who are both bloggers. I think what kept me from starting my blog was not knowing what to name it. I know sounds silly but it's true! Overall, the blog has and continues to act as a creative outlet for me, a journal and a way for me to connect with others. I know I haven't been blogging as much lately but I hope you all continue to check in here once in a while.

Last weekend was a long weekend and I spent it relaxing. It was nice to spend time a home, doing some DIY projects and watching tv. Here are some pics of some of the other things I did. 

Got brunch at Insomnia Cafe. I'll be going back there just for the hash browns!

We planned to play board games at Snakes and Lattes but it was a 2.5 hour wait. Instead we played scrabble at home. I've set up a really cozy area in our reading nook by layering blankets and cushions over our gym mats. It's a great use of the space.

Valentines day roses and baking some Croatian pastries ... YUM!

So here's to another weekend and another year of Lilac Dreams!!

~B

Real Simple Weddings ...

Hey peeps! I hope you're all surviving hurricane Sandy! Not much is going on up here in Toronto except for lots of wind, no sun and lots of rain. It was a pretty crappy Monday and I may or may not have almost called in sick for work ...

I wanted to update you on my wedding planning process - correction, lack of wedding planning! So far not much has been going on due to the weather, the fiance and I not having time to really sit down and discuss what we want to do due to his hectic work schedule and me not really feeling up for 6 months to a year of wedding planning. Also, the engagement photos didn't happen due to the rain. Ah well :( I guess this is all part of the process AND we've only been engaged for three weeks so no biggie :) 

So let me explain ... I am super excited about marrying the fiance and planning a lovely day for us to celebrate our love and commitment to one another. I am not super excited about picking venues, centre pieces and all that other "fun" stuff that comes along with getting sucked into the wedding machine. I understand that some women get really excited about all these details and that's okay. I think most would expect me to plan a traditional wedding with all the details in check simple because I love entertaining, tend to pay attention to details and have been known to enjoy my DIY projects. I'm just not feeling up for that for our wedding and would prefer to keep it as simple and stress-free as possible. I don't want to get sucked into the wedding machine by losing touch with the true meaning of our wedding. I also don't want the wedding planning to take me away from my everyday routine and all the other things I spend my time doing.  SO, we'll see how it unfolds. The good news it that we're going to be seeing our first venue this Saturday and I have the Real Simple Weddings guide to help me along the way. Thanks Izzay!

Hope you're all having a good week so far.

Happy almost Tuesday! 

~B

Pick Me Up!

Today it rained all day and I hated it. It was dull and wet outside and my mood was down for most of the day. I got to work late because I was tired from the minute I got up. I also left work early because I just didn't feel well. I hate when the weather affects my mood like this and zaps me of energy. Funny thing is, as soon as I got home and closed the blinds and started cooking I instantly felt better. I also made sure to pick up some fresh flowers at the grocery store to lift my mood. 

What are your go-to pick me ups for rainy days?

Engagement Shoot Inspiration

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My pile of stuff for our shoot. Super excited!

As I said before, once the fiance and I got engaged we decided that we wanted to do an eshoot. We both love fall and have always wanted to have pictures together with the colourful fall leaves. We also wanted to do an eshoot as a newly engaged couple simply because everything is fresh and more exciting. We don't want to wait until we're both busy planning for the big day.

We've chosen Beyond Infinity Photography. I saw some of their pics through a friend on facebook over a year ago and loved them. They are just so fun and colourful and I like that most of their shoots have a vintage inspired theme. I am not sure if I am going for the same idea for the wedding so we're not committed to using them and it's really to early to tell.

We both love going for walks, having picnics and riding bikes so this has been our inspiration for the shoot. We've been busy collecting/renting our props and getting our outfits ready.

Stay tuned for the pics from our eshoot!!!!

Please cross your fingers that it doesn't rain :)

~B

I'm Engaged!!!!

This past Thanksgiving (exactly two Saturdays ago) the bf (now fiance) and I got engaged!!! It was really special and completely unexpected and I can't stop thinking about it. Who knew that getting engaged would be so much fun? I am still being asked about the proposal and congratulated daily and the whole thing feels surreal! Needless to say I am soaking it all in and enjoying the engagement phase. 

If you recall, I posted (well ranted) about the whole engagement/marriage thing a while back. Click here. Well, I guess that's all over now since no one can now ask me why we arent' engaged.

So there's a brief summary of what happened ... I usually go spinning on Saturdays at 1:30 but ended up going for 3pm since I had not finished my errands/prepping for our Thanksgiving dinner. I found it slightly odd that the bf kept saying it's important I work out and that I should make sure I go spinning ... so I went. I came home (all sweaty and in my workout clothes) and he mentioned that there was a problem with one of our blinds. Since the blind had been an issue in the past I had no reason to suspect anything. Being all nice (as usual) I went straight to the blinds to check it out instead of hopping into the shower. I pulled them up slowly and there was a "will you marry me" sign taped on the window lol! I was shocked and couldn't believe what was happening and may or may not have begun to cry/shake right away. Before I turned around to say anything, he took my hands, said a speech and asked me to marry him. What he said was absolutely touching and a true reflection of our relationship and us as a couple.  It was exactly how I had imagined our engagement would be - private and a surprise. He even videotaped the whole thing so that we can both look back at it (bonus points for him!). Two funny things that happened was that early on into his speech I asked him to slow down since I was still in shock and was worried I wouldn't remember what he was saying. I also gave him the wrong hand at first but realized in time for him to slip the ring on my left hand. That evening we ended up going out for a lovely dinner and stroll through the neighbourhood where we first met and spent a lot of time together early in our relationshiop. It was lovely :) ... Oh, and I am also completely in love with the solitaire ring that the fiance designed from start to finish just for me! It just sparkles and has so much meaning for both of us. 

So there you have it. After 6 years of dating we are engaged!!! It feels right and I couldn't be happier. I know in my heart that I have a really special guy who is kind-hearted, generous and funny. Most of all he is my best friend. We both can't wait to get married and want to get hitched asap lol! We haven't had a minute to sit down and discuss any of the logistics around the wedding but we have a mutual understanding that it will be small and intimate, and likely this summer. 

Both the fiance (his new blog name) and I are enjoying the engagement phase! We have spent the past week or so telling those important to us about our new commitment. My soon to be HUSBAND and I have even booked engagement photos so we can get those fall colours while they still last!

So, I guess it goes without saying that I'll be keeping you all informed about the ins and outs of my wedding planning on the blog. I am super excited to share this special and exciting time with you all :) 

~B

Did you check in today?

Check out what was posted on my colleague's office door today. Yup. An open invitation to "check in" with yourself. I love this! Ever since being in the addictions and social work fields I have been doing a self check in at least once per day to first see how I am feeling and second to determine what I may need to help me cope with the feeling. It's common practice to do a check in and out in every group or individual session and I believe in practicing what I preach. Try this for one moment ... practice mindfulness and live in the moment. How are you feeling RIGHT NOW? What does this signal to you for the rest of the day? What do you need? 

Happy Tuesday!

B~

Rant: "Why are you guys not engaged yet?"

So something keeps happening to me ... OVER AND OVER AGAIN! I keep finding myself in these uncomfortable conversations where someone asks me when the bf and I are getting married, which is usually followed by "how come you guys aren't engaged yet?" Sometimes this even turns into a suggestion by the individual that I rethink his commitment to me and whether or not he even believes in marriage (a if I would not know this!?) - that I may have to leave the relationship if I ever want to get married and have children. IT KEEPS HAPPENING and I can't wrap my head around this. 

I get it that we have been together for almost six years and live together. I am 27, he is 29 so why aren't we married yet? Many of our friends are married and are getting married so why aren't we at least engaged? 

I want to be clear that I have absolutely no problem with people asking us if we see ourselves eventually getting married or if I think a proposal is in the works soon. That's cool ... there is no judgement there, just simply a display of human curiosity. I get it. Social norms would indicate that we should be married or at least engaged by this point so it's completely understandable that someone would ask about this HOWEVER what I can't understand is why some people think it's their place to make assumptions about our beliefs about marriage and when we should be married let alone judge the bf, his commitment to me and our relationship as a whole. It makes me uncomfortable and sometimes leads me to feel insecure about my relationship, in the sense that I start to think that we should be engaged at this point and that maybe something is seriously wrong with our relationship .. THEN I remember how wonderful the bf is and how nothing in his actions or words has or should ever lead me to question his commitment to me. I don't need a diamond on my finger to know that (although it seems like other people do). I also come back to reality and remember why we have decided to not get married yet (in my case getting engaged will be a mutual decision not something that just happens to be sprung up on me).

Also, why am I the only one out of the two of us that seems to get these questions? Is it because I am female? Why is no one asking him why we aren't engaged yet? Weird!? .. well not really. Also worth mentioning is that these questions always come from other women. Why is that?

I just think people should think a little bit more about this topic prior to asking such questions .. and whether or not they are being judgemental. I would also consider the financial commitment that is often associated with getting married and factor that into the equation. Perhaps the couple cannot afford to get married in the way they want to get married at this moment? Also maybe planning a wedding could be stressful for some people and they simply cannot see themselves doing this anytime soon? Maybe they have other competing priorities at the moment, such as school, career etc.?

FOR ME (and I know I can say for US) we both believe in marriage but that doesn't mean we wanted to get married at 25 or even prior to feeling settled and stable in other parts of our lives. For me, I have dedicated a lot of time and effort (7 years of university and 3 degrees to be exact) to making sure I have a career, a job that I love and am financially stable on my own. Finally, I can say I have accomplished this. There is no way I could see myself getting married let alone having children prior to accomplishing this BUT THAT'S JUST ME! Also, I think I can say for the both of us that finances and time have been an issue. We do not want to have to turn to others to financially support our wedding and frankly have not wanted to spend our money or time on planning a wedding. For me, working four full days a week and completing a masters degree while planning a wedding would not have been fun or even worth the stress it would have caused!

When I finally get married, I want to be able to afford it (be financially stable) and be able to take the time to enjoy the planning process. I want to do it my way and when I want to do it BUT THAT'S JUST ME!

What about people who have children out of wedlock or couples who choose to never get married?
Is it our place to judge their parenting abilities or quality of their relationship?

That's my rant. 

Any opinions on this issue? Did you or are you experiencing this too? We all know that I have many thoughts and opinions about this but I'd like to hear from you :) Maybe I'm just being too sensitive but all this is really starting to annoy me haha! 

Get Fit Tips?

Couch Potato Cat

North Pole Couch Potato 

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I would not call myself a couch potato but in the past few weeks I have slacked off when it comes to getting my butt to the gym. I try to exercise a few times a week right after work (mainly spinning, elliptical and/or weight training class) but once in a while I lose motivation or get sidetracked.

Does anyone have any get fit tips??
What helps you stay motivated??